I am writing in my hearts content what I have been going through in this journey. I am looking at how I am developing my soul spirit that people led me to believe I have a potential, I have potential, and I have personality that is so unique that only I own it. I was growing in time when I was born- a baby with love surrounding without any spite of demands or thoughts or discussion that affirm me the needs of getting love for my attention. For example, when I was a baby and a kid form, I cry all day or kick people’s butt and made impact that is consider playful and filled with love with no expectation and given to me without doubt. I knew what was love and at age three was the pause and stop that I known last.
From age 24, I am stuck and have been in chains down from who I am, how I believe in love, and what is love.
Why am I telling you this? Because I am in a journey that led me to so many difficulty to why I am not resolve the shackles that kept me in chains for years and years to desire for people to love for me and make excuses that I am not capable of love.
Love is immensely powerful and pulling to steal and making others to love you is excruciating painful to be aware of. When it comes to a door to open and unlocks, from the soul and heart is challenge.
How can I be surrounded with people who have offer me wisdom, support and accept me who I am if I don’t love my self?
I begin to unpack and still unpacking.
I am working on mirror to look at myself and positive self-sign and thought to myself.
I believe the vision myself with many positive plans and need to be in presence of myself to have clarity and grounding that I am able to make a decision on what my soul wants, and don’t want.
My light worker whom had notice all this shortcoming about myself that is unable to love and bring others surrounds me to love me which is unhealthy and not acceptable.
I have been encourage to write down the possible 15 maximum during the two weeks with mirror study to find how can I describe myself? “Who is Jessica?”
I have also been encourage from my sisters Ashanti, to write down the big five things you want to see in your life happen. “I wrote down many things involving trips, relationship to myself and build a beautiful relationships with people that I compassionately believe and trust with me and with them.”
Life is a funny mystery. I have come down to find many obstacles will bring me down with prejudice, ageism, racism, audism and many more that I can list off in my head at this moment. Some day, you find the time goes really slow to build the bond you have laughters with your siblings and carry off where you are feeling ‘is this a dream?’ or ‘is it real?’. Someday you find the time goes really fast, and you question whether is time that the universe tells me to make the momentum and it goes by fast with a bat of eyelash comes before you.
People will try to bring you down for no reason or a reason. I find it very hard to understand the ‘how’ instead I look into the ‘why’.
I have thoroughly love to enjoy the presence of people. To look at people humanely and curiosity to know they are valid of their journeys and mine as well. I have learn that I can make mistakes and it is really up to how I can mend and dialogue to see how can I resolve and build the trust back.